Unnatural

When I take this pill
My mind completely clears 
The pain goes away 
Life seems manageable

I talk. I laugh. I touch. I smile
I feel no pain
The pill gets me high
And has me wanting you even more

Would you please stay with me now
Because I want you here
I’m happy, and I’m high
Take one with me

I won’t hurt you right now
I’ll love you much more
You’re so sexy right now
Let’s make each other smile

I buzz like a bee,
I sing like a hummingbird
I fly like a swan
Right now, I’m anything I want to be

But this feeling won’t last
Tomorrow’s another day
I’ll wake up feeling wrecked
And this pain will return

So as I come down from this high,
I know tomorrow I’ll cry
I’ll confuse you some more
And you won’t know why

I’m so confused myself that my head spins
Everything seems like it might work
And yet nothing seems like it will work
Why can’t I stay on this high?

I’m confused about who I am
On this pill, I love and smile
Off this pill, I hate and frown
Who would you rather me be?

Tomorrow I’ll hurt
Miserable the day will be
As I wait for the pill to kick in
As I wait for that high to return

This is a not-so-subtle poem about dealing with immobilizing physical pain. The speaker does not have the resources to manage his day-to-day pain. When he takes a narcotic, all of his problems unnaturally drift away. Upon his first experience with the narcotic, he feels invincible. He loves, hopes, and promises, but he returns to a life out of his control after his high ends. His hopes fade. He confuses those closest to him. Once the speaker gets used to this cycle of getting high, coming down, and coming down, he tells those who matter the most to him not to believe anything he says when he is high. While the narcotic is temporary, the life that he returns to while sober is one of loathsome misery. This poem is as much an apology as it is an explanation.

Written in 2013

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser