With Time On My Side

With time on my side, it is my turn to have a little fun.
With the odds in my favor, I will pick and choose who I want, what I want, and when I want it. 
Knowing that you are waiting and praying for a life you do not have is something I use to my advantage.
I see it on your face; there is so much of life that you would have liked to have seen play out differently.
You wish, hope, and wait for your life to change in a positive direction.
You wish for me to change my mind rather than hoping I would just change.

With the tables turned, it is my turn to be the one who gets to inflict pain.
This accrued anger has nothing to do with you, but it is ironic how these roles have reversed.
The years of bitter resentment have resulted in a desire to seek revenge.
This lifetime of disappointment has encouraged me to play these cards differently.
You wish, hope, and wait for your life to change in a positive direction.
You wish for me to change my mind rather than hoping I would just change.

I believe you to be a perfectly flawed person.
I believe that there is bitter anger that you hold inside.
I believe that you hide an infinite amount of sadness.
I believe that life is totally and completely unfair.

I am immune. It is not possible for you to hurt me.
I am remorseless. I am resolute in my belief that I am doing nothing wrong.
I am opportunistic. The odds of the day are decisively in my favor.
I am indifferent. It matters very little if what we have continues as it is or if it just ends today.
I am godlike. I have boundless amounts of time, immeasurable resources, and unearned influence.

A wasted minute? That is nothing.
A wasted hour? We all have those.
A wasted day? Those are rough but not uncommon.
But these wasted days have added up, and these squandered years have become routine.

With time on my side, it is my turn to have a little fun.
It is to my advantage to know that all that is left are liars, cheaters, deceivers, addicts, loafers, and sloths.
With time on my side, I will keep you at arm’s length away when I feel like you are getting too close.
It is to my advantage to know that your hope for starting your own family slips away with each setting sun.
With time on my side, I will bring you near when it’s most convenient for me.
It is to my advantage to know that your options are being alone or settling for someone for whom your heart does not beat.

With the tables turned, it is my turn to get to be the one who causes you to be sad.
With your vulnerabilities on display for the entire world to see, I chuckle at your misfortune.
You try desperately to secure something of meaning, set up an event, or even initiate a conversation.
If I was going to give that part of me away, why would that be something you think should be offered to you?
If you are waiting for a phone call or some sort of formal invitation, keep waiting. It is not coming.
It is to my advantage to know that your options are being alone or settling for someone for whom your heart does not beat.

I believe you to be a perfectly flawed person.
I believe that there is biter anger that you hold inside.
I believe that you hide an infinite amount of sadness.
I believe that life is totally and completely unfair.

I am immune. It is not possible for you to hurt me.
I am remorseless. I am resolute in my belief that I am doing nothing wrong.
I am opportunistic. The odds of the day are decisively in my favor.
I am indifferent. It matters very little if what we have continues as it is or if it just ends today.
I am godlike. I have boundless amounts of time, immeasurable resources, and unearned influence.

A wasted minute? That is nothing.
A wasted hour? We all have those.
A wasted day? Those are rough but not uncommon.
But these wasted days have added up, and these squandered years have become routine.

Hurting those people you meet later in life because of the hurt put on you by others at an earlier time (wow that's kind of wordy). Basically, it's about a man having the advantage later on in life as he meets women with unfulfilled lives. Knowing that she knows her external beauty is fading and her opportunity to establish something meaningful in life (like a family) diminishes with each passing day. Her window, unfortunately, closes a lot more quickly than he does. And while that is not fair, neither is all of the rejection he experienced early on in life. The speaker has experienced enough hurt in his past to last more than a lifetime. But now, with the tables turned, he knows he cannot be hurt and he's the one who can do the hurting. It's paying back all of the hurt he has felt, but really administering it on those who are not a fault. It really is the very universal "I've been hurt by somebody else, but you are the one who is going to pay" mentality.

Written in 2013

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser