Segue

This influence I never sought.
This predicament I never wanted.
This impact I never requested.
This situation I never welcomed.
We were unskilled, and our mutual discovery was mind-blowing.
But this had no intention of being anything more.
Chivalrous. Gentle. Humorous.     
Your words. Not mine.
Thoughtful. Kind. Pristine.
Pristine? I liked what I heard. I liked it a lot.
There you were, showing me off like I was your sparkly, new toy 
And my ever-growing ego devoured it.
How do I tell you now…after all the firsts we shared…
I never really appreciated you. 
Rather, I just appreciated how much you appreciated me.
 
This influence I never sought.
This predicament I never wanted.
This impact I never requested.
This situation I never welcomed.
We were built on a common curiosity.
But were only supposed to be each other’s segway.
Respectful. Confident. Hot.
Your words. Not mine.
Genuine. Empathetic. Pristine.
Pristine? I liked what I heard. I liked it a lot.
There you were, talking me up like a knight in shining armor
And my ever-growing ego devoured it.
How do I tell you now…after all the firsts we shared…
I never really adored you. 
Rather, I just adored how much you adored me.
 
This influence I never sought.
This predicament I never wanted.
This impact I never requested.
This situation I never welcomed.
I’ll remember our daring, compatible bliss forever.
But this was never intended to be anything more.
Charismatic. Sensual. Loyal.
Your words. Not mine.
Passionate. Open-minded. Pristine.
Pristine? I liked what I heard. I liked it a lot.
There you were, parading me to all your friends.
And my ever-growing ego devoured it.
How do I tell you now…after all the firsts we shared…
I never really valued you.
Rather, I just valued how much you valued me.
 
This influence I never sought.
This predicament I never wanted.
This impact I never requested.
This situation I never welcomed.
I’ll eternally be grateful for our time together.
But we were only supposed to be each other’s segway.
Supportive. Adventurous. Sincere.
Your words. Not mine.
Sympathetic. Honest. Pristine.
Pristine? I liked what I heard. I liked it a lot.
There you were, catering to each experimental request
And my ever-growing ego devoured it.
How do I tell you now…after everything…
I never really loved you. 
     Rather, I just loved how much you loved me.
segue

Twenty-five years later, this poem wrote itself. I’m still not sure which is worse. The guilt of the speaker. Or the rejection felt by the speaker’s words.

Written in 2023

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser

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