The Sleeping Monster
There’s a madness brewing in my head that I’ve convinced myself I cannot control.
Vindictive anger rips through my volatile mind, where it all leads, I have no clue.
Lurking in my brain are thoughts so unpredictable that I’m as worried as I’ve ever been.
Unrestrained, I can no longer tether this barbarian within.
How dare you display your jubilation so freely and so carelessly?
The one who pursued you with unyielding persistence.
The one who persuaded you with unwavering tenacity.
The one who glided in with such effortless charm.
The one who tempted you in ways so forgotten that they felt foreign.
The one who aroused you to the point of no return.
This sleeping monster is about to awake, but it’s another who will receive its wrath.
How dare you parade your joy for all to see?
The one who you permitted yourself to feel vulnerable.
The one who you allowed to fervidly caress you.
The one who helped your misplaced smile reveal itself again.
The one who induced unrestrained bouts of laughter.
The one who allowed you to be who you desired to be.
This sleeping monster is about to awake, but it’s another who will receive its wrath.
How dare you flaunt your happiness in front of me and my friends and the world?
The one who revived you from a hollow, dreamless sleep.
The one who rekindled a somber spirit that otherwise may have never existed forever.
The one who pacified your insecurities, who assisted in erasing your self-doubt.
The one who erased the preconceived notions that your future was toneless and stale.
The one who supported you in discovering your best version of yourself yet.
This sleeping monster is about to awake, but it’s another who will receive its wrath.
While the sadness lingers quietly in the background, the visible rage intensifies.
This colorless, nondescript mask conceals what’s looming inside.
Underneath this disguise are reactions blazing so intensely that I feel like I might burst.
Unshackled, I’m ready to attack with this newly fueled aggression.
The jealous anger that brews when the person you were dating and who you did so much for breaks up with you and then quickly enters into a new relationship, one in which you are forced to bear witness. The kindness, tenderness, encouragement, support, and love you exerted feels like it was for nothing. It feels so unfair to be the one hurting and having to watch the other person move on so quickly and easily.
It’s as if you operate with the existence that after a breakup as such, you are going to take out on the next person all of the pent-up hostility that you want to unload on the previous person. It’s as if knowing that the following relationship is nothing more than a rebound, one in which you know you will never be emotionally invested. It’s as if it’s an act to counter what you have unwantedly had to see.
Written in 2020
Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser