#122

Lord, I’ve shunned you for so long that I feel so incredibly tentative to come to you now in prayer.
It’s been years since I’ve tried to remember you, and I’ve often referred to myself as being spiritually dead. 
I come to you now asking for both your forgiveness and for your love.
I come to you ready and wanting to share my life with you. 
I want you to revel in my joys and sulk in my misfortunes.
I want you to be proud of me when I do well but still value me when I do not.  
I long for you to accept me even though you know me to be a severely flawed man. 

Lord, I become worried that my future will be filled with much more hardship and heartache.
I fear that I’m not strong enough to deal with such pain. 
I need help in learning how to give love once again and once again accept love.
I need help in my attempts to look forward to each new day. 
I need help rediscovering my joys, my passions, and my livelihood. 
I need help remembering that each new day presents an opportunity for me to start fresh. 
Please help me better love my life and love those who choose to be involved with it.

Lord, I feel as if I am tongue-tied when I try to speak to those who matter to me the most. 
I fail to say the words that I want so desperately to say.
I’ve lost the ability to communicate my innermost thoughts with my family, friends, and with you.
I’ve lost relationships because I cannot locate my voice when the situation calls for me to speak my heart.
I unintentionally reject and hurt the people who try to love me the most.
My perceived apathetic attitude has encouraged others to forget about me.
Please allow me to rediscover my voice so that I can rebuild the relationships that have crumbled before me.

Lord, I’ve come to distrust anyone and everyone, and I’ve become suspicious of anything and everything. 
I fail to give someone new in my life a chance because I have been so hurt and abandoned in the past.
I have spent much time feeling betrayed, humiliated, judged, and abandoned.
I have been saddened with my perceived, dire circumstances for much too long. 
I am too easily upset, quick to blame others, and hesitant to forgive those who have wronged me.
I seek peace instead of anger. I seek strength where I feel fatigued. I seek hope where I feel despair.
Please allow my vulnerabilities to subside and give others the same chance they give me.

Lord, I feel an emotional emptiness that is triggered at the end of each new infatuation. 
I seem to fall in and out of love as frequently as each day turns into night.
The woman I promise to love forever one moment is the same person I come to resent the next.
I have, unfortunately, come to discover that perhaps my attraction is only skin deep.
As I discover her thoughts, dreams, and fears, I start to feel more and more responsible.
When push comes to shove, I flee for the next best thing rather than working towards something more.
I feel trapped in this cycle, and I’m asking you to help me break free so that I can try to become a better man.

Lord, I punish myself more than any single man should be allowed to be punished.
Try as I might, I cannot help but find the errors in every little thing that I do. 
I’m skilled at pointing out my shortcomings but struggle to identify any of my worthwhile qualities.
I feel insecure, lazy, stupid, incompetent, ashamed, irreverent, and worthless…the list goes on and on. 
While I wish I could accept myself, I find only reasons to reject who I am and all that I stand for.
I’ve forgotten how to recognize compliments, welcome invitations, and believe that I am a person of value. 
I ask for the ability to look less at my faults and better appreciate those gifts that I have been given.

Lord, I remember those times in my life when I was my best self. 
It is these memories that flood me during the most inopportune of times.
It is these memories that wake me up each morning and send me to sleep each night.
It is these memories that cause me to lament and feel sorry for myself.
It is these memories that prohibit me from making peace with myself now.
It is these memories that make my present-day situation seem so unfortunate, so cheerless, and so tragic.
I ask for your help in reaching some peace that will bring me closure and allow me to finally let go.

Lord, the person who I once wanted to be feels so far away from the person that I have since become. 
I feel like the ideals that I once prided myself upon have been stripped from my being.
I’ve built myself up with such a false sense of security that I feel bare in the face of adversity.
I feel like I am forever unsuccessfully reaching for a better version of myself.
I feel like I each time I get close to the point of self-acceptance, I trip and slip further and further down.
I feel like I am constantly sliding towards oblivion, falling uncontrollably with nothing to secure myself to.
Amid this free fall, I ask for you to catch me and lead me to a safe landing.

Lord, I feel overpowered by loneliness I know not how to escape.
Dangerous thoughts occupy my meddling mind, and I know not how to push them away. 
I feel insignificant to those in my life and absolutely invisible to the rest of the world. 
I’ve become envious of others who look to be more fulfilled with their lives and who they are as people. 
Sometimes I look out at the world, and it seems like every other person is happier than me. 
Sometimes I wonder how I am going to make it through another day.
I surrender myself to you in the middle of this suffering and ask you to remove this emptiness from my life.

Lord, I’ve buried myself in self-pity by drowning my sorrows in sex, drugs, and alcohol.
I feel bored and frustrated with my life and turn to these momentary pleasures to get me through the day.
But these vices that allow me to ignore my pains or forget my defeats are temporary and fraudulent. 
The poisons that eliminate the pain one moment aggressively force themselves back on me the next.
I have lacked the courage to tell you that I am powerless and that I cannot solve these problems on my own.
I have lacked both the courage and the want to pray and to ask you for help.
Please help me formulate a plan that can allow me to overcome these dependencies and help calm my soul.

Lord, I often feel like I am waiting for someone special to come along and magically save me from myself.
I am falsely anticipating that she will walk straight into my life and cure all of my problems.
I expect her to accept me and all my faults, even those that continue to ruin me.
I expect her to have an unrealistic set of abilities that will fix me without my needing to do any work myself.
I cling to the idea that her love can be enough for both of us so I can continue not loving myself.
In truth, I lack both the ability and desire to accept and reciprocate any kind of meaningful love.
Please help me to rediscover how to love myself first so that I can genuinely allow someone else into my life.