#217

Would I give up a creative mind to find peace?
Would I surrender my ambitious passions to understand stillness?
Would I release my once-spirited dreams to experience calm? 
Would I relinquish future opportunities or to know tranquility?
 
Can I vow to stay on my prescriptions during seasons of destitution?
Can I commit to consistent treatment when shutting down seems so easy?
Can I pledge not to shift blame or permit myself to senselessly act out?
The peaks and valleys. The highs and lows. The ups and the downs.
This cycle engulfs me as I systematically come undone.
 
Would a subdued version of my most prolific self offer the relief I require?
Would quieter evenings and softer mornings provide the solace I lack?
Would distractions from the chaos bring distance from the noise?
Would a removal from the crowd allow for soothing self-reflection?
 
Can I promise obedience to my medications during seasons of comfort?
Can I assure adherence to my treatment when the voices abate?
Can I pledge not to profit from or revel in the fortune of this gifted affluence? 
The yin and yang. The ebb and flow. The wax and wane.
This cycle overwhelms me as I methodically come apart.

Pondering. Analyzing. Questioning. Balancing. Realizing

Written in 2022

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser