Those Things Beautiful

Patiently waiting. Waiting patiently.
Understanding that when certain doors close they will never be re-opened.
But also realizing that, with time, some doors can open once again.
Actively searching, though no longer frantically, for the key that fits correctly.
Instead, viewing this as an opportunity to recognize those things beautiful that I may have otherwise missed.
Slowing down…and acknowledging my other gifts. 
Idling…and appreciating my other self.
Praying. Listening. Seeing. Believing. 
“Lord, in spite of my circumstances, I know you still love me. 
Therefore I accept this difficulty, even if I have it for the rest of my life.”

The fresh blend of red roses, purple lilacs, and white gardenias on a springtime afternoon.
A soothing breeze on a pleasant summer day, just invigorating enough to compliment the warm sun.
The sight of two young lovers, invisible is the world around them, completely lost in each other’s eyes.
The repetitive chirping of a nearby sparrow, its tune so inviting it encourages other birds to chime in.
Savoring each sip of a hand-spun vanilla milkshake topped perfectly with whipped cream and a cherry.

It is these offerings and others that I have missed by wishing the day away.
It is these offerings and others that I have missed by wallowing in my self-pity.
Opening windows, as many as I can. Letting the fresh air in. Feeling it. Reveling in it.
There is much more to me than this situation today which has me hurting so badly.
Self-discovery can be a beautiful thing.

Patiently waiting. Waiting patiently.
Understanding that when certain doors close they will never be re-opened.
But also realizing that, with time, some doors can open once again.
Actively searching, though no longer frantically, for the key that fits correctly.
Instead, viewing this as an opportunity to recognize those things beautiful that I may have otherwise missed.
Slowing down…and acknowledging my other gifts. 
Idling…and appreciating my other self.
Praying. Listening. Seeing. Believing. 
“Lord, in spite of my circumstances, I know you still love me. 
Therefore I accept this difficulty, even if I have it for the rest of my life.”

The smell of burgers and hot dogs from a nearby cookout wafting through the stiff summertime air.
A long, barefoot walk along a new beach, the grainy sand sifting between my toes with e every step.
Seeing the love shown by a mother duck escorting her little ones from a grassy knoll to a nearby pond. 
An unrelenting summer rain interrupted only by the intermittent crackling of lightning or role of thunder.
The taste of a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie from a nearby bakery previously unvisited.
 
It is these offerings and others that I have missed by hiding away from the day.
It is these offerings and others that I have missed by feeling sorry for myself.
Opening windows, as many as I can. Letting the fresh air in. Feeling it. Reveling in it.
There is much more of me than this situation today which has me hurting so badly.
Self-discovery can be a beautiful thing.

This is one of my favorite all-time poems. The spring and summer of 2013 was a difficult time for me. I lost something that was very important to me, and I was struggling with how to deal with it. It was affecting my everyday life. I tried to write myself out of it. I wrote furiously through the day and through the night. Whatever I was feeling, I put it down on paper. A lot of that writing turned into some of the poems you see on this site. A lot of it is still sitting in my journals or on random sheets of paper. Perhaps some of those excess thoughts will be communicated in some final version someday. Perhaps not.

This poem was really the one "it's all going to be okay" poem. Only time will tell if what I lost will be found again. I understand that. There was no sense in fast-forwarding the days, weeks, months, and years of my life to see what would happen. Instead, I wanted to look at my life from that moment from the best possible lens. It took some time to write this because I didn't want to force my feelings. When writing and editing this, I really had to calm down and get in the right frame of mind. It was difficult because that feeling of loss was always in my mind, whether at the forefront or in the background. Sometimes it took hours to settle so that I could be able to work on this poem. But when I finally got into that zone, I really felt wonderful and could pen something brutally honest and beautiful. The two verses that talk about the feelings of the five senses are my favorite. Again, nothing was forced. And if I hadn't been going through that period of loss in my life, I don't think I could have written this because I wouldn't have been present, prepared, willing, or able to slow down and appreciate the other parts of me that were not revolving around this loss.

Written in 2013

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser