The Gift of Life
This morning is a gift
This morning I am pleased to be waking up with an uncluttered mind, remembering clearly the events of my previous evening
This morning I am appreciative for waking up with a wildly unrecognizable smile, anxious for the day ahead
This morning I am glad to have a routine that effectively prepares me to leave my house and make a contribution to society
This morning I am thankful for not just seeing in the mirror a man that I tolerate , but a man I actually admire
This morning I am thankful for fresh fruit, blueberry muffins, and bottomless cups of coffee
This morning I am happy to step outside, inhaling the fresh air that fills my lungs with a previously unknown feeling of utter joy
This morning I am grateful for the smell of fresh grass, the sound of chirping birds, and the sight of the brightening horizon
This morning I am hopeful that my decision-making skills will lead to a productive day and a sober tomorrow
This morning I am satisfied with who I am, but still driven to learn, to develop meaningful relationships, and improve my whole self
This morning I feel no jealousy nor am I filled with any sort of resentment
This morning I’m happy…I’m just happy
Your adoration was a feeling so new, so exciting, so wonderful, and so terrifying all at the same time
Through our time together, I discovered that my ability to love is limitless
Through our time together, I saw how gentle, generous, and genuine I can be
Through our time together, I caught a glimpse of my best self and reveled in the person I had become
Through our time together, I discovered just how much I have to offer
Smiling, I reflect on our time together
Smiling, I say thank you
This afternoon is a gift
This afternoon I am grateful for one-hour lunches, and my favorite local delis within walking distance of my place of work
This afternoon I am grateful for club sandwiches, apples, small bags of chips, and bottles of flavored iced tea
This afternoon I am happy for having a moment to relax on this crooked wooden bench in the middle of this activity enriched park
This afternoon I am glad to be surrounded by families, both young and old, as well as lovers, both new and experienced
This afternoon I am glad to have a music player that plays my favorite tunes, drowned out at times by laughter of children nearby
This afternoon I am entertained by frisbees being passed, baseballs being tossed, and kites soaring through the breezy air
This afternoon I am appreciative to be so close to a spot like this that each day provides happiness to all those who will allow it
This afternoon I am thankful to have a home to return to, one that welcomes me, suits my needs perfectly, and allows me to smile
This afternoon I am satisfied with who I am, but still driven to learn, to develop meaningful relationships, and improve my whole self
This afternoon i feel no jealousy nor am I filled with any sort of resentment
This afternoon I’m happy…I’m just happy
Thank you for your kind words
Thank you for your cards, your tokens of appreciation, and the amazing gifts you spent hours upon hours personalizing for me
Thank you for your spontaneous laughter, your good-natured ribbing, your witty comebacks, and your love of humor
Thank you for your beautifully contagious smile, seemingly custom made for me and used to light up even the darkest of days
Thank you for your tears of frustration and your expressions of complete disappointment, I apologize profusely for causing you pain
Thank you for your non-discriminating love, your immeasurable compassion, and your brutal honesty
Thank you for your gentle hands, how I quivered with just the touch of just a single fingertip
Thank you for showing me how very special I was to you
Thank you for helping show me how much value I have as a person
Thank you for allowing me to earn your trust
Thank you for saying thank you
Thank you for saying I love you
With no regrets, thank you
This evening is a gift
This evening I am grateful for my fifth-floor balcony that faces west
This evening I am comfortable in this cushiony lounge bench, my back reclined, my head resting on a soft pillow
This evening I am grateful for watching the sun set on another beautiful day, this view is one I never take for granted
This evening I am grateful for seventy-degree weather with just the slight hint of a breeze
This evening I am grateful for the storm that I see forming far off in the distance
This evening I am thankful for artists, photographers, musicians, and writers who inspire me and help me to cope
This evening I am thankful for the support of others, both near and far, both those who I’ve met face to face and those who I have not
This evening I am thankful for those who allow me to see that, despite when I try to convince myself otherwise, that I am never alone
This morning I am satisfied with who I am, but still driven to learn, to develop meaningful relationships, and improve my whole self
This evening i feel no jealousy nor am I filled with any sort of resentment
This evening I’m happy…I’m just happy
Your adoration was a feeling so new, so exciting, so wonderful, and so terrifying all at the same time
Through our time together, I discovered that my ability to love is limitless
Through our time together, I saw how gentle, generous, and genuine I can be
Through our time together, I caught a glimpse of my best self and reveled in the person I had become
Through our time together, I discovered just how much I have to offer
Smiling, I reflect on our time together
Smiling, I say thank you
This night is a gift
This night I am grateful for a sky full of stars
This night I am thankful for all of the positive people who surround me
This night I am happy to have a set of headphones, a music player, and really, really loud music to listen to
This night I am thankful for pen and paper, and endless amounts of time on my hands
This night I am thankful I have been able to write myself out of my past pains
This night I am thankful for the people who never gave up on me and believed in me no matter how poor of a person I appeared to be
This night I am grateful to once again feel comfortable in my own skin
This night I am appreciative to have rediscovered life
This night I am satisfied with who I am, but still driven to learn, to develop meaningful relationships, and improve my whole self
This night I feel no jealousy nor am I filled with any sort of resentment
This night I’m happy…I’m just happy
This is one of my favorite all-time poems. The spring and summer of 2013 was a difficult time for me. I lost something that was very important to me and I was struggling with how to deal with it. It was affecting my everyday life. I tried to write myself out of it. I wrote furiously through the day and through the night. Whatever I was feeling, I put down on paper. A lot of that writing turned into some of the poems you see on this site. A lot of it is still sitting in my journals or on random sheets of paper. Perhaps some of those excess thoughts will be communicated in some sort of final version someday. Perhaps not.
This poem was really the one "it's all going to be okay" poem. Only time will tell if what I lost will be found again. I understand that. There was no sense in fast-forwarding the days, weeks, months, and years of my life to see what would happen. Instead, I wanted to look at my life at that moment from the best possible lens. It took some time to write this because I didn't want to force my feelings. When writing and editing this, I really had to calm down and get in the right frame of mind. It was difficult because that feeling of loss was always in my mind, whether it was at the forefront or in the background. Sometimes it took hours to settle so that I could be able to work on this poem. But when I finally got into that zone, I really felt wonderful and was able to pen something brutally honest and beautiful. The two verses that talk about the feelings of the five senses are my favorite. Again, nothing was forced. And if I hadn't been going through that period of loss in my life, I don't think I could have written this because I wouldn't have been present, prepared, willing, or able to slow down and appreciate the other parts of me that were not revolving around this loss.
Written in 2013
Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser