Sarah Quell

I’m abandoning you because the time is right to expose myself to the world’s elements again.
There is an awareness of indifference, carelessness, and negligence that has caused much concern.
Though I’m terrified of the unknown, this is my chance to regain the parts of me that I’ve lost.
While frightening uncertainty looms, I find the opportunity to feel raw and vulnerable intoxicating.
 
Previous rampant, overwhelming urges have since reduced themselves to the occasional fleeting distraction.
I have been so lucky to have been able to feel this safe, to have had you to cushion my fall.
But the catatonic state I find myself in now has me missing the colors of the world.
 
Through this process, I surrendered control out of immediate necessity.
But I’ve also misplaced the traits that used to characterize me the most.
And I’ve been stripped of the ideas that used to stimulate me the greatest.
No longer am I inspired by topics that used to fuel my creativity.
For these reasons and more, it’s time for me to end this relationship.
 
You helped to stop the blood when the bleeding was profuse.
For this, I say thank you. I’ll forever be grateful for your aid.
You helped stitch up the lacerations that were long and deep.
I’ll never deny that you were there when I needed you the most.
 
I’m discarding you because who I once was has been replaced by someone far less animated.
Your stifling of my passions has silenced my voice, and I’ve grown too incredibly bored of this new mundane.
While the impulses have quieted and the unrest softened, I’m frightened I’ll forever be idling in neutral.
While daunting doubt buzzes, the chance to feel exposed and unprotected I find to be exhilarating.
 
Previous unshackled, overpowering thoughts have since abbreviated to the infrequent cursory interruption.
I have been so fortunate to have felt so cared for and had these unrelenting fluctuations stabilized.
But in this unresponsive state, I’m a shadow of the ambitious go-getter that defined my better days.
 
Through this process, I relinquished the power out of immediate necessity.
But I’ve deserted the qualities that brought out the life in me and endeared me to others.
I’ve forgotten what it feels like to experience sadness when inflicted with emotional pain.
I’ve forgotten what it feels like to know joy when filled with comfort and love.
For these reasons and more, it’s time for me to end this relationship.
 
You picked me up when I was powerless to do so on my own.
For this, I say thank you. Your aid I will remember forever.
You pressed a reset button that I never knew even existed.
I’ll never deny that you were there when I needed you the most.

Forever grateful. I’m here because of you. SQ.

Written in 2013

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser