Undisguised Humility

Had you told me the sadness could have been this bad, I would have discredited you.
Yet here I am, crumbled in a fetal position, barely able to crawl out of bed.
Had you told me the dejection would have ravaged my body like it is doing, I would have mocked you.
Yet here I am, stripped of my ability to perform even the most basic day-to-day activities.
 
I understand that we had was far from perfect, that passable merriment was not a base to sustain us.
I know that when the post-honeymoon phase passed us over, that we had nowhere left to stand.
I’ve accepted that this decision to go separate ways was our only option.
Humbled by this all; God I’m having a hard time letting you go.
 
Connected by half a lifetime of experiences, I cannot disconnect one recollection from another.
Our unified stories, I’m uncertain of what to hold onto and what to attempt to forget.
Cognitive dissonance wreaks havoc in my brain, with new distortions telling me what I know isn’t true.
 
Had you have told me that this sorrow would continue to travel with me, I would have laughed at you.
Yet here I am, ready for another season with this tension-packed shadow pressing me tightly.  
Had you told me that the grief would have immobilized me, I would have ridiculed you.
Yet here I am, feeling trapped, wondering when this sorrow will even begin to lift.
 
Prepared for my mind, body, and soul to pass through the necessary stages.
Yearning for this despair to run its course through me more quickly than it is destined to do.
Surrendering to the process while appreciating that there’s no timetable for a heart to heal.
Humbled by this all; God I’m having a hard time letting you go.
 
New scratches and scrapes successfully penetrate old wounds, and it’s as if this heartbreak has just occurred.
Memories, both pleasant and displeasing, continue to flow through my mind far too freely.
Aware, I am, that there is no predefined period that will let my heart know that it’s ready to move on.