With Emptiness

Tying now more than ever to push aside that which continues to keep me down
Working within my limits to achieve elongated periods of normalcy
Trudging through these murky waters which have since defined my days
Keeping occupied, disinterested in anything more, yet now I meet you
Questioning all that I am and all I believe in yet again, my mind is a muddled mess 
Imprisoning myself, these concealed wants and desires bring me shame 
Drifting aimlessly, hopelessly, kept from the happiness of which I cannot speak
Missed opportunities to find refuge through an acceptance that I cannot find

WITH EMPTINESS…It hurts to wake up
WITH EMPTINESS…These days are filled with grief
WITH EMPTINESS…I’m trapped by the misery that I know not how to escape 

Late at night, time set aside to run through these self-imagined scenarios
Chances for my mind to wander to places that will soon bring me pain
For there you are, your head resting gently on my chest
My fingers tracing the back of your head as you slowly drift into sleep
Holding you, my heart filled with joy, until the new day’s early hours
Forgetting for a short time about these barriers that drive us apart
Giving instead into the most honest feelings that I’ve ever known
Until my eyes begin to water over; and it all seems so real

Losing myself in this moment until this moment forces me out
Denying myself I will tomorrow, again…next week, again…forever
Forcing myself to deal with these bitter truths that continually wreak havoc
Disengaging myself from the comforts that, once upon a time, brought me joy
Searching within my soul for something…anything that makes sense
Comprehending less the magnitude of this situation and the impact of it all
True to my heart are these dreams, this outright sincerity, this outpouring of love
True to my heart are these dreams, the purest form of me I’ve ever known

WITH EMPTINESS…It hurts to wake up
WITH EMPTINESS…These days are filled with grief
WITH EMPTINESS…I’m trapped by the misery that I know not how to escape  

How I might feel today had we have met in a life other than this
Situations that once overwhelmed me and those which caused me to ache
Instead encountered with strength, with encouragement, with you by my side
With an understanding, a promise, and a hope of which I’ve been deprived
Today’s bitterness, anger, and indifference buried deeply inside, perhaps never having surfaced  
Cheated I feel, meeting you now, so far lost, so far I am beyond repair
This resent permeates my being and eats at the core of all that I once found dear
Here we go again, this cycle echoes familiarity, to these depths it’s time to plunge