#149

Wondering why that which is offered to me is never quite enough.
Wondering what it is, exactly, that I am hoping to find.
Wondering what it feels like to be able to take the good with the bad.
Wondering when this slice of life first started to taste so stale.

Wondering when the clouds will roll in and drain away this promising opportunity.
Wondering why today’s cruelness washes out what used to allow me to smile.
Wondering how the color of this life has been stripped away so easily. 
Wondering the day away rather than competing for a purpose to exist.

Wondering how much longer I can avert my eyes from these constant temptations.
Wondering how long I can continue to go on without quenching this thirst.
Wondering how much longer I can endure this unrelenting loneliness.
Wondering if I can rekindle the notion that any of this even matters.

Wondering how much longer I can continue to mask this guise.
Wondering how much longer I can continue to tuck away these emotions.
Wondering how much longer it will be until these bandages begin to peel off.
Wondering how much longer it will be until this heart forever bleeds out.

Wondering who will be there to stand beside me, or lend me a shoulder, during these times of need.
Wondering if there is anyone left to trust with my darkest nightmares and my most disturbing thoughts.
Wondering when these secrets of yesterday will catch up to today and ruin all of my tomorrows.
Wondering the day away rather than acting on my intuitions and making a move towards something new.