#102

Stripped of the ability to forgive him for all of the intentional hurt that was once, so easily, laid upon her.
She carves herself a spot away from the rest of the world, far from the hurt, removed from the pain.
This hardened woman was never an angry girl, but her smile is something she hasn’t seen in years.
At an arm’s length she holds life away, potential hopes, foreseeable wants, and attainable glories.

Remembering the times together, unsure of when the good turned bad. 
Wondering which memories to hold onto and which ones to let go.
Could any good result if she chooses to relive any of these moments? 
Or will doubt continue to creep in and turn everything that was once whole into sheer waste?

Stolen from her all that she once held to be true, causing her to question even those once most dear to her.
Fearful to ask questions because she is ill-prepared to handle the responses.
Skeptical now of anything and everything, anyone and everyone.
She chooses instead to hide herself away from all those who have the ability to inflict pain.

Remembering the times together, unsure of when the good turned bad. 
Wondering which memories to hold onto and which ones to let go of.
Could any good result if she chooses to relive any of these moments? 
Or will doubt continue to creep in and turn everything that was once whole into sheer waste?

With a body that’s been used and a heart that’s been mistreated, she has a mind that suspects the worst in others.
The unbearable feeling of knowing she is surrounded by liars, deceivers, and egotists every which way she looks.
Reminded on a daily, hourly, minute by minute basis of how she cannot take anyone at face value.
With untruths having become a way of life, she only feels out of the ordinary when honesty starts to creep in.

Remembering the times together, unsure of when the good turned bad. 
Wondering which memories to hold onto and which ones to let go of.
Could any good result if she chooses to relive any of these moments? 
Or will doubt continue to creep in and turn everything that was once whole into sheer waste?

This is about a person reevaluating her life after a bad breakup. The speaker has been deeply hurt by the actions of her partner and now she is trying to attempt to figure out which memories she should hold onto and which ones she should let go of. She has put a great deal of trust in her partner only to see all of her efforts and all of her trust blow up in her face. Blindsided by her partner, the speaker now looks at everyone and anyone with a suspecting eye. If she could put so much faith and trust into a relationship she felt so certain about, then how was she ever going to be able to trust again now that she sees the world in a completely different way. Can hanging onto any of those once beautiful and treasured memories guide her or does she need to let go of all that she once held true in order to be able to move forward? This is her way of telling it.

This poem deserves a better title.

Written in 2011

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser