#60

Clouds roll by
One continuous layer of denial 
These lost eyes look up at this sea of shadows
Waiting for a break, a beam of sunlight
Needing to feel its bright warmth
But this is what it is

Right now, I feel so incomplete 
Trembling with fear, I feel not fine
Wind gales around me
Midst blinds my eyes
The silence of it all is so deafening

I’m as close as I can be
As near as anyone in the land
And still, I feel so far away
What more is left to do?
This is all of me
There’s nothing more to give
Block me out & Turn me away
Why should today be any different?

This entire existence now removed
It’s what got me to rise each new morning
It’s what has me standing here feeling so alone
I can’t take another blow to this already defeated body
I can’t bear to fight through another meaningless day
Won’t go on like this,
Without knowing
Without hope
Forever in doubt
This frail heart with its scars so deep
Bleeding grey

Miles from the nearest soul
It’s me alone
Overlooking the world,
The same place where two souls became one for the very first time
With nothing left to protect
Will you have time for me then?
It’s either see you soon or goodbye forever
Knowing quite well there’s nothing in between
With each new day breeding new doubts and more grounds to disbelieve
A heart once filled with more love than an entire nation
It now blackens with each passing moment
I better take my chances now
With each new morning worse than the one before

Unwavering depression, with no end in sight.

Written in 2005

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser