How Do I Not?
How do I not surrender to this madness?
They tell me to hurry up and feel better.
But that just deflates me even more.
“You can do it. I believe in you”.
But they don’t truly know me or of my situation.
And they can’t feel the bitter anger that I hide inside.
And they can’t know the implications of these built up episodes of jealousy.
They know little of my real world problems.
They have never walked a day in my shoes.
How do I not give in to this hell?
They tell me that they are certain I’ll feel better soon.
But that just further knocks me down to the ground.
“Just keep fighting. I know things are going to get better”.
But they don’t truly know me or of my situation.
And they are unaware of how the hurt is always present.
And they are unaware of this unrelenting pain.
These feelings of despair have refused to let up.
This defense system has decided to shut itself down.
How do I not raise the white flag?
They ask me why it’s taking me so long to get back on my feet.
But that just keeps me flat on my back without a desire to want to even try to stand.
“Come on, friend. Get back with it. You’re better than this”.
But they don’t truly know me or of my situation.
And they can’t comprehend the emptiness that resides eternally inside of me.
And they can’t see these eroded weaves of interconnectivity.
These burdens have prevented me from living my life the way I want to live it.
These hardships have drained the good from my soul and stolen the passion from my heart. 
Sometimes depression knows no bounds and knows not when it's supposed to live. So when people starting making comments to you like it's time to get past this, they don't really know what they are talking about. Often they are trying to help, which is why it is difficult to hold their comments against them even when what they say is so upsetting to you. When you hear enough people telling you that you should feel better, it makes you begin to think that there is something wrong with you for not being able to overcome a difficult event, a difficult time, or something else that is difficult for you to overcome. Them telling you that you shouldn't feel bad anymore only makes you feel worse until you feel ready to give up completely.
Written in 2013
Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser