This Misplayed Memory
Here I go again, ignoring life’s simple lessons; I know that I should know better by now
These feelings of infatuation are all too recognizable, and I’ve got only myself to blame
Here I go again, disregarding all that I’ve learned, obsessed with these feelings of a misguided passion
This selfishness is inexcusable; these apologies I should begin preparing now
Signs everywhere are telling me to stop, yet a single vision blinds me
Like déjà vu, my head is fogged with similarities, with flashbacks that stir emotions so strong
Your reflection brings a recollection, a familiarity I’ve seen more than a million times
All of my senses spearheaded by this long forgotten nostalgia, from a time prior to you
This situation suggests trouble…but I see only a pretty face
This situation suggests trouble…but I know not how to disappoint
Consumed by this misplayed memory…your pains are now mine, this burden we now share
Deprived of an ability to feel anything less than the passion filling me this very instance
My brain searches for reasons, my soul for explanations, but both come up empty
Lost I am of seeing this for what it is, camouflaged instead by what I want it to be
An opportunity to connect the past with the present and to right the wrongs that were suffered
With our guards down, relaxed and at ease, becoming freer and freer with each passing moment
Understanding your fears, appreciating your needs, however short-lived it may be
Providing comfort with these words I do share, right now I’ll tell you whatever it is that you want to hear
I’m so drenched with want that I’m poised to be anything and everything that you need me to be
These feelings aren’t new…and now we don’t speak
These feelings aren’t new…and I caused so much pain
Consumed by this misplayed memory…your pains are now mine, this burden we now share
These obsessions, once thought to be buried forever, suddenly resurfacing, only now with a force unimaginable
Forgotten reminders that stir emotions with an overpowering intensity that I am unprepared to deal with
Forcing me into an alarming state of panic, causing me to question all that I am and what it is that I stand for
As you gaze into my eyes, seeing me as person that I am not, undeniable regret begins to overwhelm me
You see me as real, present and of value, someone other than this lost character I’ve made myself out to be
On the verge of an outpouring of tears, my tangled mind unable to distinguish what was from what is
These replayed scenarios loiter through my wild mind; any attempts at peace are lost to me now
So here we remain, both truths and untruths being offered, whatever is needed for me to see you smile
These feelings aren’t new…and I hurt her so badly
These feelings aren’t new…and I lost her forever
Consumed by this misplayed memory…your pains are now mine, this burden we now share
About falling into the familiar trap of developing some sort of an infatuation with someone that you know is wrong. The reader can insert develop the situation when their mind, but this poem would apply in many different scenarios. The speaker knows he has the ability to bait and wow the unsuspecting woman. He has that charm, charisma, good looks, and all of the qualities that would attract a variety of impressionable females whom he is absolutely confident he can win over. At the same time, he's been in this situation time after time after time again. He ends up hurting this woman, sometimes to the point where he causes irreparable harm in their lives. He is remorseful and ends up regretting the situation, but he just does not have the ability himself. He is absolutely enamored with his current obsession and the forthcoming remorse that he will one day feel is not enough to stop him from this short-term gratification.
Written in 2009
Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser