This Selfish, Abusive Captor

Removing myself from the situation because I can no longer find a reason to be.
Closing out friends and family, rejecting invitations no matter how simple or informal they might be.
What might seem self-imposed is, unfortunately, completely involuntary. 
Avoiding contact with others, for seeing the authentic joy in others only magnifies these feelings of gloom.
This selfish, abusive captor has arrived once again, and only she knows when she will choose to leave.

This avoidance a result from a desire to eliminate feelings of jealousy, anger, and sadness.
Moving through my days with the philosophy that out of sight is out of mind.
As crucial as it is to communicate my thoughts and feelings, the words fail me completely.
My relevant professional, social, and intimate relationships continue to crumble into heaps.
This selfish, abusive captor has arrived once again, and only she knows when she will choose to leave.

Withdrawing myself first mentally, while it might seem like I’m listening, I’ve long since tuned you out.
Withdrawing emotionally next, there’s nothing you can say right now that can either help or hurt me.
Withdrawing physically last, I might go missing for days except for when a situation forces me to be present.

Averting my eyes when I see others engage in a piece of happiness from which I feel deprived.
Attempting to eliminate the envy I feel towards others whom I deem to be more fortunate than me.
Forcing myself away from the jealous tendencies that trigger these negative thoughts and feelings. 
Paying for a release because I refuse to share myself with anyone who could ever matter.
This selfish, abusive captor has arrived once again, and only she knows when she will choose to leave.

Blocking out the endless blue skies, the bright sunshine, and the positive energy associated with each.
This reclusion uninvited, but now understood; this cycle will forever continue to pound on me. 
The authenticity of this sickness is what frightens me the most as doubt and despair continue to creep in. 
The same diversions that previously brought joy now just deliver sadness, frustration, and resentment. 
This selfish, abusive captor has arrived once again, and only she knows when she will choose to leave.

Withdrawing myself mentally, while it might seem like I’m listening, I’ve long since tuned you out.
Withdrawing emotionally next, there’s nothing you can say right now that can either help or hurt me.
Withdrawing physically, I might go missing for days except for when a situation forces me to be present.