I Fell Out of Love

I fell out of love in a fraction of a second.
Everything came crashing down at once.
All of my hopes and dreams were shattered in a single instance.
And now here I am, left alone, trying to pick up the pieces and reassemble myself once again.
I’m reminded, once again, that what I had convinced myself to be true proved to be something far, far less.

Today I feel ripped.
Today I am overwhelmed by this sadness, this disloyalty, this anger and this confusion.
Today I question again exactly how a betrayal such as this will make me a stronger man.
Today I feel so ready to quit this fight.

I fell out of love over the period of a few hours.
As I replay the events in my head, I constantly come to the conclusion that no good that can come from this.
It is these feelings of unbeknownst despair that cause such havoc and agony.
I felt so certain, I believed the values were so true, and I convinced myself that happiness awaited.
I’m reminded, once again, that what I had convinced myself to be true proved to be nothing but one continuous lie.

Today I feel lost.
Today I feel like lessons that were once the foundation of my existence are nothing but a series of fabrications.
Today it feels like each and every hope is extinguished before it even has the slightest chance to breathe.
Today I feel so ready to quit this fight.

I fell out of love over the course of a couple of days.
As I reassembled this puzzle, I found clues that I simply ignored or refused to believe.
This unwarranted pain should never have to be felt by anyone at any point in their life.
I should have known better, but I knowingly let my heart guide me towards this unforeseen heartache.
I’m reminded, once again, that what I had convinced myself to be true proved to be something far, far less.

Today I feel duped.
Today I turned to you for comfort when I was feeling lower than I’ve ever felt before.
Today, your selfishness and your thoughtlessness wreaked havoc in my already turbulent life.
Today I feel so ready to quit this fight.

I fell out of love over a period of a week.
The apology didn’t come close to sufficing and the follow-up was heartless and inadequate.
With a clearer head, I was able to see things as they were.
I no longer tried to pick at this or pick at that while hoping for a reason that would give you the benefit of the doubt.
I’m reminded, once again, that what I had convinced myself to be true proved to be nothing but one continuous lie.

Today every other emotion gives way to sadness…infinite, unbearable amounts of sadness.
Today I allowed myself to be vulnerable during a time when I was helpless on what I truly wanted or needed.
Today I wonder why anybody is forced to feel such sorrow when they did nothing to deserve any of it. 
Today I feel so ready to quit this fight. 

I thought I was really into this girl and then in the matter of literally a second, something that I honestly could not have imagined happened. And then I had to try to make sense of it all. This occurred at a very, very difficult time in my life and I thought that getting closer to this person was exactly what I needed. It turns out that as hard as the situation was to deal with, it was best that it happened the way that it did. It's funny because I wrote this poem in terms of increasing amounts of time (fraction of a second, a few hours, a couple of hours, about a week). After this poem was completed, I really struggled with the sequencing. I actually rearranged this poem so that it read in order of decreasing amount of times. It gave the poem a different feel and, in a way, I liked it more, but I also still liked it the way it was written originally. I ultimately followed my original sequence.

Written in 2013

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser