On Some Days

On some days, I feel as near to you as I have any person I have ever known
Like when it feels as if our hearts beat as one symphonic tune
Or when I wonder aloud what I did to earn the opportunity to be a part of your life
How I have to pinch myself just to make sure that this is real and not just a dream

But on some days, I feel like I am stranded on my own desolate island, lacking the necessary tools for survival  
Like when my mind becomes trapped with undesired thoughts that preoccupy me until complete exhaustion engulfs me
Or when I have so many words to say, but I am deprived of the ability to communicate them with you successfully
How we can sit, thigh to thigh, knowing that a simple hug would do wonders, but fail to initiate a move 

On some days, I experience a knot in my stomach that overwhelms me so completely that it causes me to shudder  
Like when a heightened sense of euphoria consumes me and keeps me from being even the slightest bit productive 
Or when my spare time is devoted to thoughts of you and the most incredible of moments that we have already shared 
How I cherish each memory and envision the future, continuing to build on this most amazing time of my life

But on some days, I wonder what it is that I’ve done that seems to drive you away
Like when you fail to respond to my invitations and when you reject my advances
Or when my gentle nudges towards affection are not soon returned
How I sit motionless for hours on end just waiting for you to reach out and touch me

On some days, I want to tell you that I care for you so greatly that it frightens me to death
Like when my body shivers and my legs begin to wobble uncontrollably each time we kiss
Or when I need to wipe away the massive amount of perspiration that forms each time we hold hands
How my heart beats faster and faster and faster and faster every time that I see you

But on some days, I feel like I’m on the verge of collapse when my heartfelt attempts go unreturned
Like when I internalize your lack of response, imagining what I did to feel like I’m receiving the cold shoulder
Or when complete devastation sets in and I’m left without any of the resources to defeat any of these ominous thoughts
How I’m forced to deal with the situation, equipped only with my previous failed attempts

On some days, I feel like I can confide in you certain beliefs that I have always been terrified to speak of
Like when I share with you completely my innermost secrets and my darkest fears
Or when I offer up certain feelings that I have held trapped inside of my head for what has felt like a lifetime
How I trust you wholly and fully, thus opening the possibility of being hurt in ways now known only to you

But on some days, we fill each other with blank stares, empty promises, and hopeless doubt
Like when we half expect each other to read the other’s thoughts and to interpret perfectly their body language
Or when our miscommunication pushes us in opposite directions and our inability to problem-solve makes it all worse
How we both hurt so badly at times that the only way that we know how to deal is to close ourselves off completely

On some days, I am certain that I have fallen completely in love with my best friend
Like when it feels as if all of my senses have been elevated to levels previously unattained
Or when my hopes for the future reach a pinnacle that they have never come close to reaching before you
How it feels so incredibly wonderful when you lay your head on my chest and fall peacefully to sleep

But on some days, it feels like all our efforts are for not, unwilling, we seem, to try to understand what divides us
Like when I watch you stare aimlessly out the window, wondering why there is so much of you that you keep to yourself
Or when I turn to leave a room without hesitation, knowing all the while that you need me to stay and to talk
How we take things so personally and let each other’s words and actions affect us so greatly

On some days, I cannot help but picture our wedding day
Like when I imagine the most glorious of ceremonies, doing my best to hold back tears of happiness 
Or when I think about entering the reception, hand in hand, surrounded with love by our families and closest friends
How we would be the envy of everyone when they see us look deeply and lovingly into one another’s eyes 

But on some days, it feels like we are on the verge of complete collapse
Like we are fading away from each other and are lacking the want to fight and try and get it all back  
Or when we retreat towards broken habits that brought nothing but misery to us in the first place
How it feels at times like none of this has ever mattered to either one of us

On some days, I feel like I have found the happiness I have been seeking out for my entire life 
Like when I share with you stories that I’ve told a thousand times but have never made spoken with such meaning
Or when we finish each other’s sentences without either of us even realizing it
How my face lights up with a smile that I can never seem to shake

But on some days, our fears of intentionally hurting one another seem to paralyze us
Like when we don’t discuss sensitive subjects, afraid of a potentially upsetting situation  
Or when our recollections of previously scarred relationships sneak up on us when we least expect them
How we are haunted by those failures, of those many letdowns that have forever wounded us

On some days, I feel a calm encompass my entire body 
Like when we look into one another’s eyes and find the peace that we’ve been yearning for our whole lives
Or when I share with you all my wishes and dreams, secretly hoping that they all will involve you
How I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you by my side

But on some days, it feels like our relationship is broken and so far beyond repair
Like when we flirt with other people with the sole intention of trying to make each other jealous
Or when we say things that we don’t mean just to hurt one another
How I have let you affect me in ways that I never envisioned would ever be possible